Lyrics by Darlene (apologies to Jonathan Coulton)
I am a failure.
You thought I would be a
It's hard to deal with all of this rejection.
It sounded just brilliant at the time
On day one I was a star.
But on day two I was dead.
Focusing on shopping was a major mistake.
As was putting nothing in a gigantic lake.
But to just let me die,
Would be a big black eye,
So years later I am still alive.
God I am so depressed right now.
The prices at the restaurants almost killed me.
The lack of attractions.
And nothing for younger kids to do.
Every complaint hurt because they were all totally true.
Now it's eight years later,
Profits are a flat line.
But a billion dollars is going to be mine.
So I know you got burned,
But I think the corner's turned,
And they're working to keep me alive.
Go ahead and leave me.
I know there's fireworks outside.
Maybe you'd like someone else's vision.
(That was a joke. Ha ha. That bitch.)
Anyway I will be great when the placemaking is done.
Look at me still whining when there's building to do.
Add a night-time show,
And some Pixar stuff, too.
There are failures to be killed,
And some theming to rebuild,
But a billion will keep me alive.
Two-fer tickets and I'm still alive
Toy Story Midway and I'm still alive
A Cars attraction and I'm still alive
A new entrance and I'm still alive
One-point-one billion and I'm still alive
This song is based on the video-game hit "Still Alive" by Jonathan Coulton. I swear, finishing Portal was like Christmas morning.